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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — Bad Omens

Megyn Kelly asked Trump, “What are your plans for future calls with Chinese leaders?” “I like talking to China. The problem is, an hour later, you want to make another phone call,” Trump said. “The White House doesn’t even use real China,” Trump added. Xi Jining, leader of the People’s …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — A rising tide raises all buildings

Al Gore, who invented both the internet and Global Warming, met with Trump yesterday in Trump’s penthouse atop the Trump Tower in New York. “It was a productive meeting,” Gore said afterwards. “We were able to find common ground.” “Unfortunately, that ground will be underwater before the end of Trump’s …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — They never had to eat a bag lunch, either.

Betsy DeVos is Trump’s pick for for Secretary of Education. DeVos never went to school and did not send her kids to school. “How does that qualify you to lead education in this country?” asked Megyn Kelly to DeVos. “She has not been confused by facts,” interrupted Trump rudely, without …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — Getting to class on time

In her first press conference today, Betsy DeVos, Trump’s new Secretary of Education, went to the blackboard to teach the voucher system. “The A students apply to the A schools,” she explained. “What will happen to the failing schools?” whined Nancy Pelosi, looking at the floor. “They will remain Democratic, …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — A class size of one

Betsy DeVos was chosen today as Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education. DeVos is a long-time fan of vouchers. “What will be the role of vouchers in your administration,” Megyn Kelly asked Trump. “We will provide every member of Congress with a voucher. They will be able to attend a …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — “We are going to have a club”

Trump appointed another billionaire to his cabinet. Steve Munchkin, former Gold-man Sacks slumlord, is the new Secretary of the Treasury. “All mine?” asked Munchkin, shaking Trump’s hand with sly grin. Munchkin’s wealth is estimated at $100,000,000,000.00 “How did you get so many zeroes?” asked Megyn Kelly. “I lined up Trump …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — Unhappy Meals

The man who invented the Big Mac, Michael J. Delligatti, died today at age 98, Mr. Delligatti apparently chocked to death on a Happy Meal toy. Myron Ebell, Trump’s choice to lead the EPA, said, “It is a sad day in the slaughter of beef.” A vigil was held for …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — Mass panic among Trump backers

Mass panic ran through Trump supporters as the recount in battleground states continues.   Screams are heard, “We don’t know how to count!”   A poll indicates that 100% of Trump supporters don’t understand the electoral college system and 67% have never heard of it.   A spokeswoman for Clinton …

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TRUMP NEWS DAILY — The daily hack.

Hackers today broke into San Francisco Municipal Transportation’s “Muni” computer system, encrypting all its data. The hackers demand $73 million in ransom for the password to restore the data. Trump says, “Should we nuke North Korea? You tell me.” Anthony Foxx, Obama’s Secretary of Transportation, says, “Walking is good for …

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A perfect Thanksgiving story

Justin Trudeau’s father, Canada Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, speaking about North American native people, said,   “There are differences in the way we treated our natives,” he said. “You hunted them down and murdered them. We starved them to death.”   Stephen K. Bannon, Trumps campaign manager, says, “It is …

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